I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
