Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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