yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
