did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
