Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
