I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are all done wearing pants today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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