We're like a lot better than the average bears
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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