just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
