I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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