so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
