his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
