let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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