The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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