Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
