There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
