That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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