If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
