Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
