just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
