Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
