I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
