so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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