I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
