woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There's even glitter on my cock...
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