I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
