Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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