If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
