How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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