so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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