her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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