Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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