I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
