Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize