So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
