Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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