it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
