FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
