i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Enjoy the penises
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
