i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
