And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
