I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
