you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
