my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
