dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
