so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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