I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
