whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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