All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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