She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
