soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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