So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my shit smells like andre
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize