So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize