she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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