Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
