Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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