i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
