Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
