Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
