it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
