Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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