He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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