fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
