This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize