why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
