your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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