You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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