ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are you so shy because you have an std?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
