i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
